Breaking: Newark SWAT Team Mobilizes to Reclaim East Newark

In a shocking announcement, Newark officials revealed plans to deploy a SWAT team into East Newark to “reclaim historically Newarkian land.” The operation, dubbed “Operation Turnpike Triumph,” aims to reintegrate the tiny borough into Newark’s city limits.

“We’re taking back what was rightfully ours,” said a Newark official. “This land was separated from us in 1895, and we’ve been waiting for the right moment to act. That moment is now.”

Sources indicate that Newark’s strategy includes a symbolic first strike on East Newark’s Dunkin’ Donuts and a blockade cutting off late-night food delivery apps.

East Newark, however, isn’t backing down. “We’ll defend our sovereignty with everything we’ve got,” declared the borough’s mayor. “This is an invasion.”

Social media has erupted with hashtags like #EastNewarkIsOurs and #BattleOfTheDunkin.

Observers note that Newark’s bold move seems inspired by recent national actions. President Donald Trump’s renewed interest in acquiring Greenland and the renaming of the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America” have set a precedent for such territorial ambitions.

When reached for comment, Newark Mayor and gubernatorial candidate Ras Baraka remarked: “If I’m elected governor, HudPost is going to have to retire these April Fools jokes. We can’t have folks calling the state police over satire.”